I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
