that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
