The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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