i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
