the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ladies don't puke and tell
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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