ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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