remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
