can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize