My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
