Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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