I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
