Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
