his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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