would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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