When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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