Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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