the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
