The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
