so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
