Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
