Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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