I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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