I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
