Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize