Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
