Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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