And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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