using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
