PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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