Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
