Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
