Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
