Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
