i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
