did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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