i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
