My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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