I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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