a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
