I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
