Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
