umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
