If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
