I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
