i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
