When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize