I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
