My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
