Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize