Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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