God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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