dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
FUCK WHALES
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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