this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
These tits shall not be calmed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So. Much. Porn.
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