my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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