Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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