you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
