Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
