Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
