I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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