I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
