Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
