i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
