You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
