I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize