we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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