Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
