if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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