I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
