I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
