It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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