a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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