my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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