Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
