making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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