yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
