hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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